Update from Nashville

UPDATE

We are never given more than we can handle. 
I'll admit, today I doubted this. I've wanted to punch someone in the face, I've wanted to scream and shout, I've cried, I've doubted that my faith is strong enough, but I've never asked WHY this blessing we've been given, was given to us. But today I asked WHY are we being tested again. We had 5 hours worth of consultations with the specialists from every department. So helpful, so educational, we learned so much more about Camden, but we had 1 more setback which will delay the surgery.

Camden is the PERFECT candidate..we learned more about the location of the defect, size and after the neurosurgeon that closes the spine saw his images..he said this will be amazing for him and will help him greatly.

But again..my dang placenta is being a pain. Apparently, when I had the amniocentesis done last week which was a requirement for the surgery, the needle poked my placenta and has created a decent size pocket of blood in my placenta which is a restriction for getting the surgery. The good news is, things like this can heal and they're hopeful that it will heal this week so we're getting another ultrasound on Friday and that will give us either a Yes to have surgery next Tuesday or we'll get our for sure No that isn't the plan for Camden.

Of course we've struggled with that after all the many miracles and blessings we've seen. We have definitely felt guided along this journey and although it hasn't been easy...we have grown so much in our abilities to move forward, to be strong, and how much our faith has increased. I love a quote that was left in a comment, "you cannot have fear and faith in your heart at the same time." This has been EXTREMELY difficult and definitely something that I've been being taught and will have to continue to work on over and over. I had to go through a whirlwind of emotions and struggle with: "WHY this is being delayed, What if we get a No on Friday after all of this. This is FAR from convenient..financially, we miss our kids, we don't want to interfere with other people's lives that are helping us, etc." But after an evening of letting ourselves go through this emotional roller coaster, and from listening to talks from the leaders of our church, listening to church music and prayer - we feel that peace...that undeniable peace that we need to stay and get our answer.

I don't know what that answer is. But I know that as I humble myself and turn Camden over to his Heavenly Father, that everything will be okay. That there IS a reason for all of this. That there are things we have learned ONLY through this process and things we will continue to learn as to WHY we went through this years down the road. We were not guided out here for NO reason. Of that I am sure. We simply need to Be Still, and Know that His plan will play out, and there IS a reason for all of it.

I started making a list of all of our blessings, of all the positives that have happened and it turned a devastated moment into another miracle. Chris's work has been AMAZING and there have been enough workers that donated their PTO to cover our stay out here..both weeks if necessary. People have gifted us money which has been a blessing in covering our travel expenses. Those loved ones watching our kids that brings us so much peace that they are being LOVED, and spoiled and this won't disrupt them at all. Chris and I get some quiet, peaceful alone time together to go through this and strengthen our marriage. And to all the hundreds of people praying for us - your faith and love humbles us and strengthens us. Thank You.

So that is our update  Friday we will know more and we'll keep praying!

This video has carried me through and I know that there are so many others out there going through hard times. Be Still and Know that He is God. It always works out in the end. Never Give Up. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCVT88Dz_CM

Our Guided Journey

I'm not quite sure where to start..

So after we were told No, because my previa was complete..we went to work, not wanting to accept No for an answer. I started talking to Denver, but felt uneasy. I didn't like that they did it different than the leading hospitals, I didn't like that as much as I wanted the surgery, I didn't like the risks that doing it with the previa there, opened up. So we prayed..we knew that we needed a miracle. And we know that through our faith, and according to the will of our Heavenly Father..He can work miracles. Through Priesthood Blessings and through the prayers of everyone praying for us and through our prayers..we received our miracle just in time. A week and a half after my ultrasound confirming I have complete Placenta Previa, I had another ultrasound confirming that it was gone. That it was 3.2 cm away from my cervix, and hadn't just budged a little..it moved completely out of the way, opening up the option to do this surgery.

 A miracle.

Every Doctor has told me that they've never seen it move in the time frame we needed.

I would be one in a million if it did.

And it did.

So after crying, and saying prayers of gratitude..we went to work calling San Francisco to move forward. Another roadblock was brought up to test our faith: "Your insurance won't budge with us, and our rules are that it needs to be paid for upfront before the surgery is performed." Definitely not an option.  But luckily the lady there is amazing and suggested we call other hospitals because SF is one of the most expensive due to cost of living there. So we did, and we were once again guided to where we needed to go. Vanderbilt Children's Hospital in Nashville, TN is cheaper, they're one of the top 3 best that started the surgery study and they will do the surgery before knowing what the insurance says. They have payment plans, and are so understanding and flexible. The lady immediately had me fax everything over, she looked them over and said, go get an amnio and you'll be set.

"Can you be here on Monday for an evaluation and we'll do the surgery on Tuesday?? "

This was on Tuesday. Today is Thursday, and the amnio was done on Tuesday, last of records were sent yesterday..flights are booked, plans are made to drop our kids off in Idaho to be with family while Chris and I go to Nashville.

The biggest lesson we've learned is to never stop. To have faith means to step forward, and keep stepping forward knowing you'll be guided in the direction you need to go.  And when it's meant to happen, things will be worked out to make them happen.

These past 2 weeks have been guided..there's no doubt about that. The way things fell into place on such a time crunch..the way appts were cancelled so I could be seen in time, the way people were kind and told us to call other places..the way nurses faxed things on time for us. And most of all, our miracle of having the previa moved. There's NO DOUBT in my mind, that this surgery is going make a huge difference for Camden. I know that. I may be terrified, never having had a surgery before... so I've never even been put out. But I KNOW that I am being guided, strengthened, and lead to do what's best for Camden. I'll be in the best hands possible with the best staff who has done this many times. It's all starting to set in, and I am scared..but I know it will be okay. I have faith..I know that Camden has angels watching over him..I have a husband who has been my rock, my support and who will be there holding my hand every step of the way and I have a Heavenly Father and Savior who are always there for me.

I feel an amazing connection with Camden and I feel his strength and I can't wait to have this all be over and hold him, and look into his eyes and thank him for choosing us. He's already changing us and will continue to help us become the people we need to be. I am so grateful for this opportunity, and for the lessons I've already learned. I'm grateful for the timing of it..for the way being Beachbody coaches has already helped get us to the point to where we CAN handle this. Where we do Dream, where we do Believe, and where we will Achieve. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually,  physically and financially, we have been prepared for this time in our lives. Thank you for the prayers and support on our behalf. We will never be able to express how much we have felt it, and how much it means to us. 

Now onto the next step of our guided journey....to be continued! 

His hand in all things

Several years ago I made a decision that I was going to start looking for the hand of  the Lord in all things.  I grew up knowing that He loves and cares about us and if we live righteously, He will bless us. But these last several years, I've increased my faith in His ability to guide my life. I share that because it will allow you to understand how I feel about some of the things that have been happening with my family this past week.

Last Tuesday we had the news about baby Camden confirmed by a specialist.  Tuesday night an amazing friend stayed up until 2 a.m. researching about fetal surgery for spina bifida, a procedure that we were told about and quickly wrote off under the weight and emotion of the news we received.  Wednesday Mindy's mom was also at work researching fetal surgery. That day the news started to sink in but then after hearing about fetal surgery being a viable option from this friend and Mindy's mom, we were upbeat and excited. On Thursday I called a center that does the fetal surgery in San Francisco and we started to move forward with a plan knowing full well that the Lord expects us to act.  He answers our prayers when we are moving forward.  It is much easier to steer a car when it is moving.  On Friday, we drove to the regular doctor and the specialist to tell them in person that we needed the records sent to San Francisco in preparation for a phone consultation on Monday to see if we prequalify for the procedure.  On Saturday, we were spiritually fed and uplifted by General Conference and then Mason had one of his front teeth knocked in. (It looks like it'll be fine.) On Sunday we watched one of the best sessions of General Conference that I can recall ever. Simply amazing! On Monday, Mindy was told by the fetal surgery center in S.F. that her placenta previa is complete which excludes her from the surgery.  Mindy was crushed, but through her tears I still sensed that unwavering faith that she possesses and I wasn't about to give up hope.  The Spirit had led us down this road.  We want to do everything that we can for our son.  He needs our help.  Also on Monday,  I learned that everyone at my work will be furloughed beginning October 21st pending a government resolution. Today (Tuesday) I got notice from my boss that I have received a promotion and a pay increase. (Oh the irony...)  Tonight when Mindy picked me up, I saw a different look in her eye than she had last night.  She looked more hopeful and peaceful.  Then she added to the story by telling me that she had spoken with specialists in Denver and that they are willing to work with placenta previa although it presents added risks.  

We of course will spend the next few days researching, considering, praying, and pondering about this new door that has just opened.  But the words that have been floating around in this analytical mind that I just had to get out, couldn't wait for the rest of the story.  You see tonight, I'm not as worried about the rest of the story.  Because I know who is guiding this ship.  He has once again shown His loving and all powerful hand in our lives.  He has inspired people around us.  Their kind words and deeds have allowed us to feel more of His love.  He has given us words of comfort through His prophet and apostles.  He has allowed us to look at our lives with a different perspective and appreciate the simple things more.  He has given me a raise to help with some of the extra medical expenses.  We now have even more faith in His Priesthood. And in the way that only He can through the Spirit, He has comforted and upheld us.  

As we continue on this journey to do everything that we can for baby Camden, I will look forward to continuing to see His hand in all things.  I've learned a new motto and it is one that I want to live by.  It is simply this; Expect Miracles. 

written by: Chris

  

Chicken Salad....MMMMMMM

Something I NEVER get sick of is chicken salad filling to have on hand. You can make lettuce wraps, tortilla wraps, sandwiches, put it on salad, use crackers to dip in it, or just eat plain!! It's also so easy to change it up and make it different. I love to add water chestnuts, apples, crumbled bacon, boiled eggs all diced up..you can use Greek yogurt, and mashed avocado for the sauce...WHATEVER you want!! :) But here's a really basic recipe to use and then change up as you want: 

Classic Chicken Salad Wraps

2 cups cooked, shredded chicken

1 cup chopped celery (about 2 stalks)

1 cup halved red grapes

1 green onion, thinly sliced

1/2 cup pecan halves, roughly chopped

1/2 - 3/4 cup mayonnaise (I use Hellmann's) 

2 tablespoons fresh dill, finely chopped

1/2 teaspoon black pepper

1/2 teaspoon salt

juice of 1/2 a lemon

4 tortillas

Place the chicken, celery, grapes, green onion, and pecans in a large bowl and stir to combine. In another bowl combine 1/2 cup of mayonnaise with the dill, black pepper, salt, and lemon juice. Pour the dressing over the chicken mixture and stir until coated. Give yourself a little taste and add more salt, pepper, and/or lemon juice as you please. You can also add another 1/4 cup of mayonnaise if you like your chicken salad to be thinner. Cover and refrigerate for at least a few hours or up to overnight to allow the flavors to combine, and serve wrapped inside tortillas. 

Roller Coasters

I grew up really enjoying Amusement Parks. I like the thrill and the scare, partly because I could see the entire ride from beginning to end. I could see the scary parts, and the calm parts and I saw the end where I would be over and I would be okay.

I wish life could be exactly like a roller coaster. We compare trials to them a lot, but today when I was thinking about this, I realized that really, they're only okay because we can SEE it all. In life, we don't have that luxury. We need to cling to faith that our Father in Heaven is in control and He DOES see the beginning to the end, and He has a much greater plan for us than we could ever make happen.

But today, I realized that I have faith in my own life and I'm okay with handing my life over..BUT it has proven much harder for me to have complete faith in turning Baby Camden's life over. We felt inspired to move forward with an Interuterin Surgery which has to be done by November 7th. This surgery drastically improves his quality of life. Instead of allowing fluid flow into his brain for another 19 weeks, this would stop the flow immediately. I felt such peace researching this, which is huge because I've never had a surgery in my life, let alone putting my children through one is the last thing I want. But the outcome of this is SO GREAT that I allowed myself to research it, call hospitals and see what we needed to do.

Well, we sent my records over and got a call today saying that RIGHT NOW, my placenta previa is complete which means the Doctors wouldn't consider me for the surgery. AND, our insurance isn't covering anything.

To say I'm devastated at the moment is an understatement. I'm confused, I'm angry, I feel so completely helpless that it's making it really hard to have faith in what is supposed to happen. What the plan is for Camden. How when I'm trying to do my part to take care of him, that something this great wouldn't be allowed. I'm so at a loss with how to pray..I KNOW that he has an amazing mission to fulfill, and I know that he is ultimately Heavenly Father's son..and that HE will take care of Camden - but I wish I could see the end of this roller coaster. I wish I knew what to do.

So I did the only thing I knew what to do..to try and feel some comfort right now. I listened to a talk by the prophet.

"We were not placed on this earth to walk alone. What an amazing source of power, of strength, and of comfort is available to each of us. He who knows us better than we know ourselves, He who sees the larger picture and who knows the end from the beginning, has assured us that He will be there for us to provide help if we but ask. We have the promise, "pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good.

As our prayers ascend heavenward, let us not forget the words taught to us by the Savior. When He faced the excruciating agony of Gethsemane and the cross, He prayed to the Father, "Not my will, but thing, be done." Difficult as it may at times be, it is for us, as well, to trust our Heavenly Father to know best how and when and in what manner to provide the help we seek.

I cherish the words of this poem:

I know now by what methods rare,
But this I know, God answers prayer.
I know that He has given His Word,
Which tells me prayer is always heard.
And will be answered, soon or late.
And so I pray and calmly wait.
I know not if the blessing soughtWill come in just the way I thought,
But leave my prayers with Him alone,
Whose will is wiser than my own,
assured that He will grant my quest,
or send some answer far more blest. "

I need to be humble...I need to be patient...and I need to devour myself in prayer and pray to know HIS will and trust that Camden will be OKAY.

Just Another Friday..

Have you ever had a moment in your life where everything changed? Like..you knew the rest of your life was going to be forever different??

I had never had this happen before. Except for moments like getting married and the delivery of my babies.

But this was different...

My day had gone like this...woke up, had breakfast as a family, a coach call with one of my coaches, and then I rushed off for my 20 week ultrasound and doctor appointment. My ultrasound was taking longer than normal, but I loved every minute of seeing that little boy. I waited for my Doctor appointment, but it was getting over an hour wait and I finally called Chris to come get me. This was my 4th, I knew that these monthly appointments lasted 10 minutes and I would be fine waiting another month...so I thought!
 So he picked me up and we went home. It was a beautiful day here in Vegas. We had the windows open and I was SOOO happy. It was just a great day, and I couldn't wait to be playing outside with my family. The day continued on and then around 5pm, my beautiful little family, my husband, my 5 year old daughter Addison, my 3 year old son Mason, and my 2 year old daughter McKinley and I were all on our way to the park. Addison had been asking to go disc golfing again and we thought that was a genius idea.

On the way to the park I listened to my messages on my phone and one of them was from my Doctor and he said this:
"Mindy, I'm sorry we missed you earlier, I'm so sorry about the wait. But I'm looking at your films here and there are some things we need to discuss and I need to have you referred to a specialist."

My heart sank.

Not knowing what anything was, my motherly instincts for this little boy came out and my mind was racing. We discussed what all the options could be while at the park, but there was no way I was present with my family..my mind was just spinning. I called him back and he told me the news:

"There's an opening in your son's spine at the very bottom which is a sign of Spina Bifida. There's also some dilation in his brain in 2 spots, he has club feet and you're showing signs of Placenta Previa."

Again..my heart dropped even lower. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what I was supposed to feel, or what I was supposed to do. I didn't know how this was caused, how a perfectly normal pregnancy, and my healthiest could all of sudden turn like that.

But through all of these thoughts, I simply told him. "okay..we can only move forward..this is something that is out of our control. I know there's a reason for this and Heavenly Father's WILL, will happen."

We set up the referral and over the next few days I researched what all these unknown terms were and I cried and cried like I never had before. Mainly over how I was going to go through all of this. How we were going to make this work with Chris's job, how he was supposed to take time off for the surgeries and how I was going to go from barely handling my own 3 kids right now, to taking care of 4, one of which will take extra special care. How I was going to keep working from home and and managing everything. I cried for our baby..I cried for the pain he would have to endure, the way he'll be taken right after delivery into surgery..how this wasn't how deliveries were supposed to happen!! I'm supposed to be excited about delivery, and over holding him close for hours after and being able to tell him everything is going to be okay!!

Everyone keeps telling me, everything is going to be okay!! I know that, but I don't know what okay is!!! I don't know if okay is that he'll come out and walk, with no brain damage or if he'll have extensive brain damage and not walk. I don't know if he'll be a rare percentage that are meant to have a short time on earth or not.
I don't know any of this. I DO know that whatever happens, it's going to be okay - I know that.

I just wish I knew the outcome now.
I wish I could take his pain away.
I wish that I had a crystal ball and could see the future.

But you know what??
Through this all, I have felt arms wrapped around me from my Savior and from my Father in Heaven. This is His child. He has entrusted this amazing little angel into our lives for a reason. To teach us. To strengthen us. And everything WILL be okay..because our Father in Heaven is the one in charge and that brings me more comfort than anything a Doctor will tell me. I know that we'll be guided, we'll be comforted to know what path to take with his care. I know that he will be born the way he is supposed to be to live out this special mission he has before him. I know that I am extremely blessed to have such a special spirit growing inside of me and that bond I feel with him is unlike anything I've felt before.

We are lucky.
We will be taken care of.
And even though I feel so inadequate, and I feel like I'm not grown up enough yet to even have 4 kids - that my weaknesses will be made up for. I do have faith. I have my moments where I feel strong, and I have my moments where I cry out for help. But I have faith and I believe in Eternal families and I believe in Heavenly Father knowing the start from the end with our lives. It's all going to be okay. I don't know how...but it will be.


Our little Angel